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Brilliant again. More more more, as you say. And I am weary of the same things.

I hadn't managed to read books with any consistency for a long while now and then in July I read one book that seemed to open the floodgates for me to go back to book reading, and now I am ravenous. Of course, the reading of books all the time has meant less time on my phone, reading Substack posts, which means (I think) less of me engaging with other writing, which means less of people engaging back, and that of course scratches the opposite side of the more more more itch you described so well. Sitting with that feeling has been uncomfortable but instructional. Do I want to go back to only reading posts online, because then some of those people will read my work and I will see those damn metrics go up (likes and shares and subscribes, oh my!) or do I want to read the long reads, the books, the slow, quiet stuff that takes days and weeks and sometimes months to finish, even if it's happening like a tree falls in the forest that no one hears?

the answer is that I want to do more of the second, and then read what I'm really drawn to read here, and if that means my numbers tick upward more slowly, or even tick downward, that's ok. I like it in the deep.

(I do of course have to caveat all this with the fact that I couldn't read at all two years ago. My brain had just about melted, and the only thing I could get through were online posts or articles. I think regular reading of Substack posts was a huge step in exercising my brain enough that it could handle books again).

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"the answer is that I want to do more of the second, and then read what I'm really drawn to read here, and if that means my numbers tick upward more slowly, or even tick downward, that's ok. I like it in the deep", yes, right on!!

There really is some great writing here, and I don't want to entirely detach from the newsletters and blogs here that I enjoy, but I also sense that some of the ways I've engaged with the platform (and the internet at large!) comes from a desire to be contemporary, to know what's popular, to feel like I'm part of the broader culture, to feel less alone. Which is strange, because i usually feel the least alone (reading wise) when I'm reading physical books, especially fiction, but it's a muscle that easily atrophies when I fall under the spell of believing that all of my reading life can be online. It just really can't, I need the tactile experience of holding a book and turning pages, where reading can be a place that I enter for a brief moment before returning to real life.

For some reason (maybe because of your letter?) I really want to re-read LOTR and The Hobbit again. I think that's going to be a rainy-winter-night activity, just getting lost in middle earth again.

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I agree with you - I think it’s the FOMO aspect of it, wanting to always be connected and always in on the conversation. And there is huge value in connection, but there is also huge value in having a rich inner life in your self. Separate from others.

I hope you do re-read LOTS and The Hobbit. I picked up LOTR again on a lark. Didn’t get far but I haven’t decided yet if I’ll keep reading or not. I do love the entire world he’s built.

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